Two years ago, I was boarding a plane bound for Togo. One
month from now, I’ll be boarding a different plane that will take me out of
West Africa and will mark the end of my Peace Corps experience. Being so close
to the end is very surreal. In any given day, when I think about leaving Togo
and heading home, I feel giddy, anxious, relieved, sad, excited, happy, and
nervous. COSing (the verb we’ve created for Close of Service and finishing
Peace Corps) is constantly on my mind, and the minds of my fellow COSing PCVs,
and our dreams seem to all be related to it. My friend dreamt that she went
home and everyone was frustrated with her because she couldn’t figure out how
to use an iphone, I dreamt that at home people weren’t interested in looking at
all the pictures I’d taken or hearing all the stories I had to tell, and I’ve
had repeated dreams where I’m back home and realize that I didn’t say goodbye
or forgot to do something here in Togo. I’m so ready to move back to the
States, but leaving naturally comes with some sadness and anxiety. Overall, I
just want to say the right goodbyes and be able to sum up how I feel about Togo
and my experience here.
So, for this blog I thought I would write a summary of what
I’ve learned about culture while here in Togo. Being in Togo has often been
confusing and it’s been hard to think clearly or really understand what’s going
on around me. My friends and I like to compare ourselves to Alice and Togo to
Wonderland. Our lives sometimes feel like Alice in Wonderland; we never quite
understand fully what’s going on around us and everything seems to happen in
strange, different, and upside down ways. However, after 2 years, although I
still don’t completely understand Togolese culture, I have obtained some
clarity about both Togolese and American culture and the good and bad
similarities and differences which exist.
Let’s start with the “universal truths” I’ve learned in
Togo. This is what we expect from joining Peace Corps. We want to go somewhere
totally different and find the commonalities that bind us together as humans. In
some ways, I’ve found this in Togo. In Togo, like in America, family,
friendships, and interpersonal relationships are what drive life and bring
people the most happiness. In Togo, just like in America, weddings and births
are a cause for celebration and a coming together of family just as death is a
cause for mourning and another coming together of family. At the end of the
day, people in Togo want what people in America want; to be healthy,
financially secure, and able to support their family.
One thing in particular that has allowed me to relate to
certain people better than others in Togo is education. Most women in my
village didn’t go to school (although this is changing now and almost all young
girls in Magna at least start school) and therefore they don’t speak French and
have no real knowledge of the world beyond Magna and the Mango market 4km away.
It is therefore really hard for us to have a real friendship or mutual
understanding. However, the amount of connection and possibility for friendship
I have with women increases exponentially with the amount of education they
have. Not only can we speak in French, but we can reflect on our lives with some
perspective and the knowledge that we have choices and that our lives could go
in more than one direction. I have several university student friends who were
born and raised in villages, like Magna, around Mango. They always are
impressed that I’m able to live in a village because they can’t spend more than
a few days in their natal villages without getting bored since they say they
can’t really connect or relate with people there anymore. I guess this story is
similar to the common American story of someone from a rural, small town going
away to school in a city and becoming bored with and disconnected from the town
in which they were born. However, it just shows again the importance and impact
of having an education. Having a similar level of education is what really
let’s people cross cultural barriers and find the commonalities between them.
So, yes, I have found some common threads which cross
cultures here in Togo. However, I haven’t come out of this experience with the
song “it’s a small world after all” playing in the background. Rather, I feel
like it’s a really big world with very different cultures and where culture has
an enormous impact on forming how you feel towards, act in, and see the world.
Living here has shown me how “American” I really am and how difficult it really
is to shake the instincts and viewpoints that come from growing up in a
specific culture. There are things about the Togolese lifestyle and culture
which I really appreciate, find very positive, and would like to take with me
and there are other aspects which have remained difficult for me throughout my
service and have made me feel very happy and fortunate to be an American.
Let’s start with the positive:
Low waste:
A common criticism of
American culture is our high levels of consumerism and waste. Although we’re
taking strides to be more “eco-friendly”, there is just no way around it; we
waste A LOT. In Togo, there is little waste. This may be more a product of
poverty and a lack of disposable income than culture, but nonetheless, it is a
positive aspect of life here. The ironic thing is that you see a lot more trash
here than in America, like plastic bags, wrappers, batteries, etc., but that’s
just because there is no really disposal system while in America all our waste
is nicely collected and hidden from view. However, if our trash in America was
just left around like trash is in Togo, the situation would be thousands of
times more disgusting than it is here.
In Togo, anything
that can be re-used will be re-used. Empty plastic water bottles are a hot
ticket item since they can be used to store things like kerosene and oil. Kids
are incredibly inventive and often make toys out of empty tin cans. Plastic
containers are used as food bowls. Clothes aren’t thrown away; they are worn
until they practically fall off the owner’s body. Food is always eaten and no
part of a butchered animal is ever wasted. In America, we like our meat all
deboned, cut up, and neatly packaged. Here, kids get used to seeing animals
slaughtered and no one is squeamish about eating organs, skin, or bones. I
always find it funny watching my 5 and 8 year old host sisters as they watch my
host dad butcher a goat. They sit intently right in front of the raw carcass as
it is hacked apart, something I still can’t even watch, with the same look in
their eyes as an American kid watching, with anticipation, a turkey cooking in
the oven. Kids would never imagine throwing away “gross” pieces of meat the way
we do so liberally in the States. Every piece of meat is to be treasured and
all parts of the animal are edible.
Hospitality:
People in Togo are incredibly hospitable and friendly. “The
people were so friendly” is the clichéd expression you often hear from people
who’ve come back from a vacation in Africa, but in Togo, it’s definitely true. In
Togo, most people are really friendly and hospitality is a really important
part of Togolese culture. At times, friendliness and hospitality here have
driven me crazy. There were many days when I just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t
want to eat food with anyone, I didn’t want to say hi to every person I passed
on the street, and I didn’t understand why the old, toothless man I passed
everyday still had to squeal and laugh with glee each time I greeted him in
Anoufo. I longed for those walks in Boston when I didn’t even have to make eye
contact with the people passing me on the street. However, looking back,
Togolese friendliness and hospitality have really helped me to live here. I
can’t imagine how hard it would have been to move into a community where no one
greeted me, tried to take care of me, or smiled excitedly when I tried speaking
Anoufo. My host family’s hospitality has been amazing and they have really
taken care of me and made me feel safe here. A Togolese person moving into a
random community in America would not be taken care of the way I was here and
the hospitality I have received in Magna is something I’m very grateful
for.
Family Driven:
Family is incredibly important in Togo and a big emphasis is
placed on taking care of ones’ family. In the States, we distinguish between
siblings, cousins, second cousins, parents, uncles, aunts, etc. In Togo, a
brother, cousin, second cousin, nephew, etc. will all be called just a
“brother.” If you want to know if an individual is someone’s brother my our
American definition, you must ask “même mère, même père ?” (same mom, same
dad?) to clarify. In the States, the responsibility we feel towards family
members tends to diminish as they become less “closely related” to us. In Togo,
family responsibility casts a wider net. When I ask the relations of people who
live in family compounds, it is usually the immediate family plus a cousin’s
son from Ghana or a pregnant aunt from Burkina Faso or an elderly great aunt
whose husband died who have moved in and are being helped out, looked after, or
taken care of by the compound family. One interesting impression I heard came
from a Togolese women who works with PCVs and got a chance to travel to
America. She was shocked at how many homeless people she saw in America and
kept asking where their families were and why they couldn’t just go find their
family. The idea of not knowing where your family is or not being able to or
wanting to turn to your extended family for help was difficult for her to
understand. There are of course some homeless people in Togo, generally they
are mentally disabled- something that is not well understood in Togo, but it
was shocking for this woman to see so many family-less, homeless people in
American cities. Family is definitely at the center of life in Togo and the
closeness and support that extended family’s give each other is definitely a
positive thing about Togolese culture.
Now, the more difficult:
The pet thing:
In Togo, dogs and cats are viewed in the same light as
donkeys, cows, goats, chickens, and other livestock. They are there to serve a
purpose: to kill mice, guard the house, scare away wild animals in the fields,
and, sometimes be eaten. The idea of keeping an animal as a pet for pure
companionship like we do in the States doesn’t really exist here. The ways
Americans treat, interact with, and care for dogs and cats seems insane to
Togolese people. Even though I understand the cultural differences, I still
can’t stand seeing a dog hit with a stick, being sold for food, or being left
uncared for. It’s a part of my personality and my American culture to love
dogs. However, dealing with the different treatment and view of dogs has been
difficult throughout my service. Luckily, I live in a Muslim village where dog
meat isn’t consumed. Many of my friends live in communities where dogs are
eaten as regularly as goats.
Of course, with so many puppies and kittens around, many
PCVs, myself included, get pets. Having a dog here has been amazing. Jeeves is
my constant companion and has helped me get through the lonely stretches and
hard days. The ways I play with him, talk to him, bathe him, and cuddle him
have brought me many strange looks and laughs in my village. The only time my
host family has ever seen me cry was when, after Jeeves was neutered, he
started bleeding uncontrollably and I thought he might die. I called the vet in
a panic and when he arrived, he looked at me visibly upset about my dog and
laughed, telling me that it wasn’t actually that much blood and that he’d be
fine. To this day, whenever I see the vet, he laughs and says, “remember that
day when you called and were so worried about your dog!!” like it was the most
entertaining thing he’s seen for years. Several PCVs have had their dog die and
then had multiple people ask to take it and eat it. Our sadness and tears over
a hurt, sick, lost, or dying dog are just incomprehensible to most Togolese
people.
Despite this huge cultural difference, it’s been nice to see
Togolese people in my community begin to treat Jeeves differently. Everyone
knows him and no one chases him away when he comes up to them. My host family
has developed some genuine affection for Jeeves and my host dad and sisters now
actually pet him. My host dad even took Jeeves to the vet when I was on
vacation and Jeeves had a bone stuck in his gum and he also now gives him baths
when I’m away. People have come to accept my weird obsession with my dog and
treat him more kindly than most dogs. So, even though my different, American
view on dogs/pets has caused plenty of difficult moments, it’s been nice to see
how people have started to accept, and even adopt, some of my dog-loving ways. After
two years here, I also realize how bizarre and irrational things like Petco
really are (an entire store dedicated to pets with aisles and aisles of
different pet toys!). After being surrounded by dogs as they exist naturally,
and in their most original form, without selective breeding, dog breeds look
funny to me and I grasp how strange it really is that we breed dogs to have
unhealthy traits (like the pushed in face of a pug). However, I’m still a
dog-loving American and, even though I realize it can cause us to act a bit
crazy, I still want dogs to be a part of my family throughout my life.
Being a woman:
Being a female volunteer in Togo definitely comes with unique
challenges. Togo is a very male-dominated society with strictly defined gender
roles. Women are assumed to do the cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing and men
manage the family money and decision-making. Polygamy is also legal and common
in Togo, which contributes to the subordinate position of women. Women and men
occupy separate spheres and friendship between genders doesn’t really happen.
When a non-related women and man spend time together, it’s assumed that it’s a
romantic relationship.
As female volunteers in Togo, we are constantly pushing the
boundaries of these gender norms and stereotypes. We are young, single women
living and working on our own, something that few Togolese women (though an
increasing number) do. All female volunteers deal with certain levels of
harassment from men during their service. We all deal with marriage proposals, constant
propositions, and continual commentary that we shouldn’t be on our own and that
we need a man or husband. Most of us lie and say we’re married, but that does
little to dissuade men since our “husbands” aren’t present in Togo. Since men
are generally more educated and speak more French than women, we end up working
with men often. However, many times what we perceive as work or friendly
relationships are misconstrued as romantic interest, leading to many
uncomfortable conversations and encounters.
Some of my best weeks in Togo were during girl’s camps,
girl’s scholarship conferences, and the women’s conference. At these camps and
conferences, we created an all-female environment with girl participants and
female counselors and trainers. Togolese women always impress me. They take
care of all household tasks and childrearing and then they also help out in the
fields, collect wood, and transport water. Women, like our counselors and
trainers, who’ve managed to complete their education, have a family, and have a
successful career have had to surmount enormous obstacles. Spending camp weeks
with these amazing women were some of the highlights of my service. By
themselves, Togolese women are opinionated, gregarious, and outgoing. However,
often when men are also in the room or at the meetings, they dominate the
conversation and women barely contribute. Therefore, having these women-only
weeks was so great because everyone could just feel comfortable, talk, and
share.
Overall, living in a country where women are expected to be
subordinate has been incredibly difficult for me. I’ve had so many frustrating
conversations about women’s rights and capacities. I’ve seen male teachers get
away with sleeping with female students and where the student was blamed for
“being flirtatious and tempting the teacher.” I’m constantly suspicious and often
dismissive of the men I meet because so often any friendliness has been taken
as romantic interest. However, as always, there have been exceptions and I’ve
managed to have a few really great relationships with men who genuinely respect
me. The first is with my host dad who truly does view me and treat me as his
daughter. The second is with my main village counterpart, Ganiou, who I’ve
worked with throughout my service and who is genuinely a partner to his wife
and has always treated me as an equal. The third is a student, Alexis, who I’ve
worked with and who looks to me as a mentor. Additionally, even though Togo
still has a way to go before women have equal status to men, things are
improving, which is encouraging to hear about and see.
The authority attitude:
Something that is generally hard for us, as Americans, to
get used to in Togo is the different attitude towards authority. In America,
government officials and authorities like to give the impression that they’re
“just an average joe.” In Togo, the president must always be introduced as “his
excellence.” When authorities come to my village to talk of projects or
campaign, they often talk down to the villagers and comport themselves with an
air of superiority. I’ve never been to an event where the highest authority
invited either didn’t show or wasn’t at least an hour late and only once was
there an acknowledgement or apology for the tardiness. In any government
office, the hierarchy of roles and positions is rigidly followed. For example,
for a female police officer to tell us if she could talk at our camp for an
hour, we had to write a written request to her immediate supervisor in Mango,
who sent a request to the regional supervisor in Dapaong, who sent a request to
the national office in Lome. It took weeks to get approval and the officer
wouldn’t even give us a tentative yes until she got the official approval from
the highest authority figure. Generally, people are incredibly intimidated by
and nervous around their superiors. They’re afraid to challenge them, ask too
many questions, or do anything that doesn’t follow the protocol. All of this
drives me crazy!
I never really realized how American I am in my feelings
towards authority figures until I came to Togo. As Americans we’re raised to question
authority and we are incredibly sensitive to people acting “better than us” or “entitled”.
I’ve always laughed at the American desire for a “common man” president and the
extents to which clearly privileged candidates will go to show they are
self-made and of modest tastes and attitudes. However, I now realize that, I’ve
really internalized the American ideal and value of authority figures being
approachable and humble. It’s something about American culture that I never
appreciated until now.
So, those are a few of the things I’ve learned about culture
while here in Togo. There is one more aspect of Togolese culture which I find
simultaneously frustrating and enjoyable. That is the more laid-back, less
time-sensitive, “repos” (rest) based way of life. Every PCV complains about the
difficulty of organizing meetings and projects. People hardly ever show up on
time and deadlines aren’t clearly understood or followed. However, at the same
time, most of us come to enjoy the more laid-back nature of life in Togo.
Personally, I’ve never conducted a meeting where everyone showed up on time and
seldom have I attended meetings where everyone who was supposed to come
actually came. When I’m trying to get photocopies or pick up my mail, I get
really frustrated that most services close for “repos” between noon and 2:30pm.
However, at the same time, I love that I can take guilt-free naps in the
afternoon. In America, I would always be embarrassed if someone found me
napping in the middle of the day. Here, my entire compound sleeps and rests
after lunch. Often when I go to a cafeteria, bar, cyber café, or store in the
middle of the day, I have to wake up the vendor, bartender, or cook so that
they can provide their service. Food
always takes a while to come, but I hardly ever have anywhere better or more important
to be so my friends and I can take hours in the afternoon just sitting around
and talking as we wait for our food. Coming straight out of the busy schedule
of college, it was quite a shock to have life slow down so much. However, after
2 years, I’ve become accustomed to my naps, my afternoons reading, and the fact
that I hardly ever feel busy or stressed by deadlines or having too much to do.
When I hear about my friend’s schedules at home or I think about how busy I was
before Togo, I feel exhausted! I know I’ll readjust to the fast pace, but right
now, it seems intimidating!
So, there is a summary of how I feel about my life here.
There is so much more to say and it is so hard to condense two years into a
manageable amount to share. I’ve both enjoyed and been frustrated by aspects of
Togolese culture, I’ve had moments where cultural boundaries have been crossed,
and I’ve definitely realized more about my own American-ness. I have another
month here and will try to post at least one more blog at the end. Until then,
enjoy fall in America!
